When we think about harmful language, we imagine the loud moments: shouting, insults, aggression, humiliation.

But harm doesn’t always sound like that.

Sometimes it’s quiet.
Sometimes it’s subtle.
And sometimes it hides so deeply in everyday conversation that we barely notice it at all.

Yet this is the language that shapes whether people step forward, step back or stop speaking altogether.

The invisible moments that leave a mark

You’ve probably heard them. Most of us have.

The joke brushed off as “just teasing.”
The comment that makes a woman shrink an inch.
The meeting where her idea only becomes valid once a man repeats it.
The tone that says, “Don’t make this a big deal.”

These moments are small, quick and easy to overlook. But they’re not harmless. They quietly teach people what their voice is worth and what it isn’t.

 And that lesson, repeated often enough, becomes internalised. People start speaking less, contributing less and trusting themselves less. Not because they lack ability, but because the micro-messages around them tell them they are safer when they stay silent.

How language shapes psychological safety

Psychological safety - the feeling that you can speak without fear, shame or retaliation -is built in small interactions, not big declarations.

 It comes from:

• the way someone responds to your first idea
• whether your hesitation is met with curiosity or impatience
• whether your accent becomes a barrier or a bridge
• whether your pauses are allowed or filled for you
• whether your contributions are acknowledged or absorbed.

Language is not just a tool for communication. It is an atmosphere. People do not speak well in an atmosphere that shrinks them.

The quiet responsibility we all carry

During these 16 Days of Activism, conversations often focus on the most visible forms of harm - and rightly so.

 But real change always begins in the smallest places:

• in the joke we let slip
• in the comment we brush aside
• in the moment we dismiss instead of question
• in the tone we excuse as “not that serious”.

Changing language doesn’t require authority, position or a policy document. It requires awareness. And awareness is something every one of us can practise.

Where real transformation begins

Change doesn’t begin in the dramatic moments. It begins in the smallest ones - the moments where our words make someone feel seen instead of small.

When we choose language that honours the people in front of us, we create the kind of environments where everyone can show up fully. And that’s where real transformation begins.